My mind has not been on the market much these days. My mom suffered a ruptured brain aneurysm 11 days ago and has been fighting for her life since. For some odd reason, I've been rather calm throughout most of this ordeal. I think it's a form of denial even though I'm fully aware of the threat to my mom's life. 50% of people who get a ruptured brain aneurysm die either before they reach the hospital or due to complications after surgery to repair it. If you do happen to survive you have a 1/3 chance of going back to normal after multiple years of rehab, 1/3 chance of permanent minor disability and a 1/3 chance of permanent major disabilities. My mom successfully got surgery to repair the aneurysm and has survived the critical 3-5 day period afterwards whereby risks of death are the highest due to swelling of the brain but she's not out of the woods by any means. She's still on life support. Her body has to absorb the blood that's surrounding and covering her brain and that can cause complications. She's been showing modest improvement day by day but it's 2 steps forward, 1 step back kind of thing. She very drowsy and dazed most of the time but when she's having a good day she can respond to commands like squeezing your hand and wiggling her toes and can shows the slightest hint of a smile when you say something that makes her happy or would make her laugh.

Although I've been rather calm since my mom has been sick, numbed is probably the better word, there have been a couple times when I've broken down in tears. My heart is so heavy seeing her go through such a horrible thing, seeing her in the dazed condition that she's in and most importantly her life of soon to be 58 years being seriously threatened. My mom has sacrificed so much for me. I know most children will probably say this, but I wouldn't trade her for anyone. She is as good a mom as anyone could ever ask for. I wish there was some way I could trade places with her for I owe my mom everything.

I see her everyday at the hospital but I know I can't be there all day or I'll drive myself crazy. There's not much I can do. She's asleep most of time anyway and whens she awake she's very dazed.  My dad and my sister were absolute wrecks the first week but they've settled down now. Someone has to be strong and keep a level head and that someone has to be me. Maybe that's why I've been so numb during all this. When my mom got sick I did some research and I knew that it would be a long battle even if she survived the critical first week and so I've been telling myself not to get too low when there was setbacks but not get too high when there was minor progress...an attitude I try to have with my trading and when playing competitive sports.

This has been the longest 11 days of my life. I just want her back